Q:I am a widow, in my early thirties, with three children. Because of my marital status, I can’t avoid to have suitors. They are, however, all younger than I.

One avid suitor has the qualities I like. He is also comfortable with my children. But I am avoiding him because I am afraid he might change his mind in case he will meet someone his age.

What are some of the things I need to consider before making a decision to accept him or not, aside from the age gap?

A:Your age gap may not be over 10 years considering you’re in your early thirties, unless he’s 22 and you’re 34. More important than the chronological age, however, is the emotional age.

Marrying, in your case, is not all about love, security, and companionship. There are other things you need to consider, like the opinions and feelings of your children.

If you’re both professionals, you will be speaking in the same language – overtime work, deadline, etc. If, however, you’re a professional and hold a position, and he’s a college dropout with no work, it will limit your interaction. Your friends will also be of different worlds.

More importantly, will be a responsible and faithful husband, a financial helpmate, and a spiritual partner? Will he be sensitive to your children’s needs?

You still feel insecure about his love for you. Take more time to know him. Give each other some space first. Don’t rush. He has not proven his worth yet.

I want you to ask yourself why he chose you over girls who are single, professionals, and not single mothers. In other words, get deep into his motive for courting you.

Don’t decide on this matter without consulting your family and trusted friends. They are the ones who can give honest opinions about your suitor.

More matters you need to consider – family background, emotional maturity, and marriage preparedness, among other things.

In situations like this, I introduce you to Jesus. He has the solution to your problem. He is just waiting for you to ask His help.

Q:I’m 33 and single. I got involved with a man whom I later found out to be married. Now I have a big problem because I have also discovered that he has gonorrhea. When I found that out more than a month ago, I went to see a doctor who gave me an injection twice, plus other antibiotics to take. I’ve spent so much already but I still have a discharge and extreme itchiness in my genital organ. What more Can I do?

A:Sexually transmitted disease (STD) in our country especially in the city, is often caused by mixed infections.

Aside from gonorrhea infection, there are other bacteria or organisms involved commonly termed as non-gonococcal urethritis. Because of your complaint of extreme itchiness, there may also be an accompanying yeast or trichomonas infection. The best way to find out is by having laboratory tests to find out what specific organisms are involved. The tests are smears for wet mount, gram stain, as well as culture and sensitivity. You must also examined by a gynecologist to check your genital organs for other signs and symptoms that will correlate with the laboratory test results. From these, a more specific drug can be given to completely eradicate your infection.

Q:My 22-year-old boyfriend (who’s not married but has a son) forced me one day to go with him to a hotel and to have sex with him against my will. (”Nanlaban ako”)I Fought to no avail. Should I file a case against my boyfriend?

A:Are you emotionally ready to relieve the trauma in court? Are there witnesses to prove your boyfriend forced you into having sex with him? Are you financially ready for a court battle? Do you have supportive family and friends?

Consider these questions before making a decision. Court hearings are never easy – especially the detailed, intimate cross-examination. That’s why many rape cases go unreported.

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Young people frequently complain, “I can’t talk to my parents” or “My parents just don’t understand me.” Often this really isn’t true, but it may be the impression you get because your parents don’t know how to handle talking with you about some of the things you want and need to know. They may be confused about how to treat you. Half the time they are telling you to grow up, and the other half they may be treating you like a baby.

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A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says,” Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”

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A lifetime partner is really a great idea. However nowadays people seem to have no patience at all, especially when it comes to their material wants. Everything appears to have been equated with the value of money. Love is a commitment one will have to consistently bestow for the partner’s welfare, not only satisfaction. Searching for a lifetime partner goes over and beyond material parameters. It would require a considerable time- year’s maybe- to be sure if couples are really meant for each other in terms of their mental, psychological, & emotional capacities. Time is the only factor that will ensure the success of a personal relationship, especially when both can match each others understanding & sacrifice for one another.

Most broken homes are the results of marriages that were built on a weak foundation. Searching for the right partner entails a wise decision not triggered by one’s impulsive nature in order to avoid pitfalls in marriage that ended in legal separation, annulment or divorce. One could consider the following:

1. Do we have both stable jobs?

2. Are we both mature for marriage?

3. Do we both possess the traits of responsible parents to be?

4. Do we both advocate Christian living?

5. Are we both healthy and physically fit?

6. Are we both free from any legal impediment?

If all the answers are affirmative then you are ready to settle down.