Young people frequently complain, “I can’t talk to my parents†or “My parents just don’t understand me.†Often this really isn’t true, but it may be the impression you get because your parents don’t know how to handle talking with you about some of the things you want and need to know. They may be confused about how to treat you. Half the time they are telling you to grow up, and the other half they may be treating you like a baby.
Let’s look at it from their point of view. Your mother and father are from another generation. What your grandmother talked to your mother about when she was a little girl is probably a far cry from what your mother will tell you. Your mother thinks of the many times others made fun of her as she was growing up. She remembers how hard it was. She may try to protect you from some of these same hurts. Your father may be looking back to his childhood and talking about how he acted when he was your age. He remembers how boys acted toward girls, thought about girls, and talked about girls. He may be worried about how you will react to this.
Both of your parents may be quite uncomfortable with their memories from the past. This makes it difficult for them to talk with you about your growing up. That’s probably why they give you orders to “do this†or “do that†without explaining why.
All this may make you angry. But getting mad won’t solve anything. They don’t listen when you ask why. Remember, there may be certain things they don’t want to talk about, just as there are certain things you don’t want to talk about with them. One thing’s for sure. When your parents were young, they had the same questions in their minds that you have in yours right now.
Some of you think your parents are great. That’s good. Some of you think your parents are awful. That’s too bad. Maybe your parents have separated or yell all the time or hit each other or swear or get drunk. Whatever’s going on in your family is not the end of the world! Even if your family is rotten, you can still learn what you do not want when you grew up and get married and have kids. You don’t have to be rotten just because you come from a rotten family. Lots of kids come from rotten families and grow up to be pretty special people.
Most parents, with a little help, can talk or relate to their kids in a better way. And there might be some things you’re doing wrong in approaching your parents. If you approach them with a you-never-understand-me-anyway or what-I-have-to-ask-you-will-blow-your-mind-away attitude, it will only hinder your getting the answers you need to talk with most! Your parents don’t like to be talked to like that any more than you do. And perhaps you don’t like it very much!
Here’s a good way to approach your parents: Ask questions about something you’ve just seen on television or read about in a book. Ask it right out. Be honest. If your parents choke and hem and haw with an answer, try not to notice. Be kind to them, and give them time. If you do this repeatedly over a period of time, they’ll get used to your questions and be more able to handle them. You might even bring your folks books about life and sex and other related topics to read. These books might provide a kind of bridge between you and your parents so you can begin talking about things. Point to a particular sentence or picture and ask your parents about it. Then perhaps you can help your parents be able to discuss about these things! If you simply can’t ask your parents, or if you don’t have any parents to ask, then choose a sensible adult such as your pastor, a doctor, a teacher, or a counselor to confide in.
Because your parents are older, they also realize how complicated life can get, particularly if you’re not asking “straight†questions or if you’re displaying a defiant attitude, like “Did you always do what you’re telling me to do?†Even your parents who are well-informed and very loving with their children often have a difficult time trying to decide what and how much to tell their children about sex and what and how much they should know right now.
When you grow up and become a parent yourself, you’ll suddenly understand some of the things being talked about here – the heartache and trouble your parents want to spare you; why they want you to follow their religious beliefs; how worried they are that you might get into some kind of trouble. Some of the things that look so simple to you now may look a lot more complicated in another 10 years.
Tags: Howto approach parents, howto talk to parents, My parents, parents advice, parents talk, trouble with parents