A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says,” Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

“I don’t like her.”

It’s always hard trying to get the parents to agree with the children.

And many times the advice given by parents are not appreciated by them.

Somebody says: “Children brighten up a home: They always forget to turn out the lights!”

Here is another story. And this one is about a father and his son.

No matter what Gary did, it was never enough to please his father. When he got seven A’s and three B’s, his dad asked about the B’s. When Gary told him about a wonderful girl he’d fallen in love with, he got a lecture cautioning that she may turn out to be different than he thought. Gary’s dad was stunned and hurt when Gary took a job in another town. He tried to talk him out of it, explaining the advantages of being close to family and the pitfalls of moving.

Finally, Gary exploded. “Dad, I’m moving to get away from you! I love you, but I can’t stand the way you tear down everything I do.” He braced himself for a counterattack, but for the first time in his life he saw his father’s mask of confidence dissolve into vulnerability. “All I ever wanted to do was to make you better and help you reach your potential and avoid risks,” his dad stammered with tears in his eyes. “It’s what I do. It’s why my business has been so successful. Do you want me to ignore my experience and just be a cheerleader?”

“Dad,” Gary replied, “our relationship isn’t about productivity. You’re my dad. Sometimes I need praise more than I need a push and approval more than I need advice. Constantly trying to make me better just makes me feel worse. It’s not enough that you love me. I need you to appreciate me.”

It’s an important lesson. In personal relationships, there may be benefits to the relentless pursuit of better, but the cost may be too high. This is the story Michael Josephson wrote in his web site “Character counts.” And it makes us think carefully.

The techniques we used in the work place may be effective for doing business. You bring them into the way you do parenting and you will discover that it does not work. In fact you will drive the ones you love away from you. Loving your children is not about making them productive….it’s all about…loving them.

Well tell me what you want to do. When your children meet up to your standards are you planning to promote them or raise their salaries/allowances? What a joke! Will this make them love you more or are you simply telling them you are valuable to me only when you are successful?

Some parents even have their children compete against each other instead of teaching them to love and care for each other. Still wonder why siblings want to kill each other as they viciously fight for the father’s inheritance even when the father is still alive? The principles in doing business and the principles in doing parenting do not mix. One is about profitability the other one is about love.

You and I may be effective leaders in our work places but are we leading our families correctly? How would you rate as a father if I were to evaluate you would you be: Excellent, Good, Fair, Poor or Very Poor? From a scale of 1 to 10 and one being the lowest and 10 being the highest how would your children rate you?

Our children do not need more advice. They need more approval. I am so guilty in this area I need to correct myself all the time. Don’t just raise up their level of work competence, raise up their level of love and build up their confidence. It’s the best gift we can give our children. And don’t forget that God has given them to us to manage and not to own.